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Even though a Queen of short term _elationships I've had a couple of heart-wrenching endings. My advice?

Mope, mope, mope

Don't try to pretend like this isn't bothering you. I recommend setting aside some time to get depressed: rent some sappy movies, play all of "your songs", drink copious amounts of cheap red wine, write maudlin poetry, whatever. Do this all alone however - your friends neither need or deserve to see you like this. Besides, an audience might keep you from coreographing that interperative dance of the night you two first met. Being alone also means not calling him. Unplug or destroy your phone if you must.

Then, Get on with your Life

While this is a tough time, you need to move on with things. Don't start dating quite yet (see below), but just focus on the essentials - going to work, showering regularly, saying sentences that don't have his name in them.

Lean on your friends

They love you and are still around - if you're having a tough time call up some of your friends. Guys are good for the male perspective, women can commiserate with your every moment of wretchedness. One caveat, however: while this is the most important thing in your life now it may not be so for them. Breaking up with someone is not an excuse for forgetting birthdays, or always completely monopolizing the conversation with tales of what could've been.

Avoid Your Ex

Sure, the two of you were close but at least in the beginning give him a wide berth. At best, it is bound to be awkward. At worst, you'll be begging for him to take you back... in the middle of a crowded coffee shop. Don't torture yourself by asking your friends if they have heard from or talked with him. If he wanted to get back together with you he would call and if he's blissfull with someone else do you really want to hear about it?

Fool Around (Maybe) but Take a Break on Dating (Defintely)

Now I'm not saying you have to join a convent, but I would advocate a dating hiatus. You need some time to figure out what went wrong and the person you are now that you aren't with him - some new guy whispering sweet nothings in your ear is going to confuse that. Take some time to do the things that you like to do but didn't when you were busy with a beau: paint a picture, go dancing with your friends, hang out with your family, etc.

That doesn't mean that some male attention may not be a good idea. If you feel the need to get some of your groove back by all means head out with your friends and flirt it up a little. A suggestion, though - before you go out think about and be honest with yourself about how much you're ready to give up emotionally or physically.

Finally, Call a Do-Over

Remember in grade school when someone messed up playing kickball you could yell do-over and you could start fresh? Well, to a certain extent, even real life is like that. So go out and meet some people, have some fun, and start dating again!


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all text, images (except those noted) copyright 2002-2010 Moryma Aydelott.