Listening: "The Monkey and the Fiddle" by Charivari (some Cajun dance music)

Reading (perhaps quality): Secrets: A Memoir of Vietnam and the Pentagon Papers by Daniel Ellsberg

Reading (definitely pulp): Nothing.

Drinking: Am thirsty. Should get up and get a glass of water.

October 13, 2003
9:17 pm

My grandfather died last week. Elmer Aydelott is gone.

I talked to him a few weeks ago before he went into surgery. He broke his hip a few years back and it never really healed, he was in pain and hated using a walker refused to get a wheelchair so surgery it was.

We had a good conversation - they always were good conversations. He complained that there was no rain, assured me he was feeling okay, asked about my work, asked pointedly about my love life. Grandpa Elmer was a lot of things and a good talker was one of them. Friendly and funny and stubborn and full of opinions. He always surprised me - I told him about a breakup and he assured me that that it would be okay how important to find someone who was right for me and "not settle for the first or second or third horse out of the gate". This from a man who had their congregation praying that Jesus would send me a good man, who told me when I went to college what was the use since I would just get married anyways.

Our talks weren't always easy. We disagreed on a lot of things, mostly stemming from his more conservative religious and political views. He was an anti-choice, anti-gay Evangelical Southern Baptist but he was always willing to listen to another point of view. He'd consider it, think you were crazy, tell you he disagreed, but he'd listen. That's the thing I love most the thing I miss most about him, some of what I hope I inherited from him.

He went under for the surgery and he never came out. The doctors said it wasn't a coma but that his blood pressure dipped and there was some damage due to the lack of oxygen. He was on a ventilator, then off. Then last week, on October 7th, he died. Got a message from Dad on my voice mail at work. Made travel arrangements within the hour.

The funeral was great - his church in Buffalo Gap was wonderful welcoming and it was soothing to be surrounded by people who had so many great things to say about him. The service was what he would have wanted - talk about God and heaven and the life to come.

And of course it was wonderful to see my family. To be with my Grandma Ruth, to try to give give some comfort through hand-holdings and and hugs and just listening to her. My father and stepmother were there of course, the two of them navigating the morass of logistical and legal details. My aunt Joan was there - hardly ever see her but it was great to catch up a little. My sister Janice and I shared a hotel room and got to talk - that was one of my favorite parts of the trip. The other had to have been getting to see my Great-uncle Bob and Great-aunt Yvonne. The two of them (in southern parlance) are a mess.... just fun and funny and crazy and loving and wonderful. The only time I cried the whole weekend was with my Uncle Bob - during the funeral as the preacher sang "I'll Fly Away" I leaned into him and sobbed. The song was beautiful but having him there made me feel safe.

I knew him only late in his life but safe was a way I felt with my Grandpa Elmer as well. He was a steady loving presence, difficult to understand at times but almost always worth the trouble (and he would have appreciated that bit of sarcasm at his expense).

Elmer Aydelott. I miss his old man southern voice. I miss his cowboy boots and belt buckles and wrangler jeans straight from the cleaners. I miss his hugs and the twinkle he got in his eyes right before he broke into a smile. I hate that he's not around anymore but that doesn't change the reality. And if what his preacher says is true we'll all meet up in Heaven one day. I'm sure he's already there, giving out hugs and welcomes at the front door.

Doing (life and related tasks):Enjoying the gorgeous weather and looooovely day off today. For everything else, see left.

Doing (crafty stuff): Made a hat and hemmed two pairs of pants. Anna's really into playing with yarn and thread so doing needlework is still a bit of a challenge.

Wanting: Some rest. From all of it.

Anticipating: A normal week at work.