Listening: Nothing right now, its just quiet around the place.

Reading (perhaps quality): 1776 by David McCullough

Reading (definitely pulp): Nothing right now.

Drinking: Cranberry juice.

April 9, 2009
6:50 pm

Am walking wounded, still expecting to see Anna hiding out somewhere and getting used to the idea that she's gone. Its been both harder and easier than I thought it would be.

But one thing that's amazed me is how wonderful all my friends have been. Not that I didn't think they would be amazing and supportive, but the degree of their thoughtfulness has made me realized how special they all are.

Just a few of the messages I've gotten:

"As you know, I'm allergic to cats and have always been more of a dog person....but it's only because I think cats might be smarter than me. And Anna was no different! Everytime I was over, I swear she knew that I was not a cat person and made her presence known. She probably hid in the closet the entire rest of the party, but as soon as she had the chance, sure enough, she'd be there at my feet....as if to taunt me! She certainly had a personality and I know nothing will fill that void in your life. But if you ever want to talk, my ears are all yours. If you want a small distraction, my couch (and TV) are all yours. And if you want a shoulder to cry on, my shoulder is all yours. I wish I could say more, but know that I'm thinking about you and sending some good thoughts and prayers your way."

"Mo, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor baby girl. Not an easy thing for anyone to go through anytime..but especially more so when completely unexpected. I didn't know her well, but I do remember Anna's cute meowing when I crashed at your place. She sure was a sweetie! She will be missed."

"I do have many happy memories of Anna, mostly of visiting with her while you were away and her insistance on standing on your chest/lap with her tail in your face. Could she ever knead! She would just get so happy, and those little needle claws would just work away at whatever she could reach! She really was a sweet cat, and totally devoted to you. I also remember her at your parties, sometimes just two shining eyes looking out from her nook in a closet, sometimes the black shadow moving warily or at a zoom from one bit of cover to the next. And her "affection" for your plants, and fascination with the balcony and the birds outside, and our speculation about whether it would be possible to let her hang out on the balcony if she were on a leash, or if the birds would still be too much of a temptation. And her amazing jumping ability."

"Honey, honey, honey. I am so very sorry for your loss. I've nearly been there a couple of times with [my cat], and it's shocking how much of a part of your life those little critters become. I loved 'Stubby' like she was my own, too. She will be missed, and never ever forgotten. Just know that you did the right thing. ('right' hardly ever means 'easy'); I admire your strength and compassion, Mo. If I can do anything at all, please don't hesitate. And, wrap yourself up in a huge hug from me..."

"Oh Moryma, I am so sad to read this. I'll miss your one-of-a-kind, miniature bleating cat with tiny tail. Anna was truly unique and a wonderful friend. I'm glad you had your sister there with you and so sorry you had to make such quick decisions, but you're right in ending any suffering. I think a nice photo of her on your book shelf would be a appropriate so we can celebrate her life and toast to her on occasion."

And then there was Tuesday, when I came home to a gorgeous bouquet from Mer, Borgosz, and LA.

(above) Gorgeous flowers from my girls, split into two vases

The gesture, and their card all moved me to tears.

In RCIA they taught us that a scarament is an external sign of an internal reality. I knew my friends and family love me, but seeing how they've offered support through all of this just bring it all home. And means more to me than than I could ever express. It doesn't make the loss go away, but does make the moving on easier.

Doing (life and related tasks): Living my life, including but not limited to cleaning the apartment, catching up on a ton of laundry.

Doing (crafty stuff): Really will be doing it again soon, I swear.

Wanting: Not sure, a lot.

Anticipating: A relatively quiet weekend.