Listening:"Allah" by Rose Polenzani.

Reading (perhaps quality): On to The Return of the King.

Reading (definitely pulp): Still too absorbed in the Tolkien.

Drinking: nothing, actually.

December 17, 2002
11:13 pm

Was looking at pictures from one of the online exhibitions at the library and this Dorthea Lange shot struck me.

Though I don't look much like her, never really did, there were enough similarities to give me pause. We have the same hair - thick and dark and straight, lying curtaining our faces. There's the hand by the mouth - maybe she was biting her nails (I still do). Then there's the dark eyes. My sisters and I have eyes like that. Dark brown almost black, stark against the milky pearl of the rest of the eye.

Wherever this girl ended up then, wherever she is now, good thoughts her way.

Good thoughts are something I'm needing as I'm soldiering through the usual end of the year New Year's Eve grind. The decision of what to do shouldn't be difficult yet almost inevitably it is.

Okay, I lie. For the last two years it wasn't. Spent the last couple of years with the exbf at his folk's place up in CT. Wasn't bad - his family was incredibly welcoming and the scenery of the cold winter moonlight on the water and snow really beautiful. But that venue is out of the question for me and for the last few days I've been trying to sit quietly and think about howI want to start 2003.

Lately I've been calling New Year's Eve "the night of dashed expectations" partly to be funny and partly because to me it's true. It's just impossible to live up to its hype - when I've been single I've rarely met someone amazing and when coupled it's mostly been mundane. My favorite new years so far have been one's with friends - in Athens with Thali and SS the SS in 1999 where we dressed up, drank, and waded into the crowds in the center of town; in 2000 with Foster and others where we headed down to the National Mall in the freezing freezing cold, stood and tried to watch the program while being blocked by the man in the blue hat (photo - right).

This year the menu of plans range from hotel parties to dinner parties to house parties to cocktail parties. Dress up dress down go swimming there's some of everything. I'm glad there are options, that there are events I could tag along on and ones I would be an integral part of. But what do I want to do? Damned if I know.

Doing (life and related tasks): been busy at work trying to figure out how to make a very long PDF form 508 compliant. Thrilling, I know.

Doing (crafty stuff): Finishing up the magnets.

Wanting: some sleep.

Anticipating: the holiday party at work tomorrow.