Listening: Do the Panic by Phantom Planet. I heard it on the ad for Fox's fall season and couldn't get it out of my head.

Reading (perhaps quality): Remember, Be Here Now by Ram Dass. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuper hippie but a ton of fun.

Reading (definitely pulp): Nothing right now

Drinking: Had a tasty raspberry/peach smoothie for dinner.

July 22, 2008
8:55 pm

Last night I did wheel pose for the first time. It was completely wild - had been trying it for a while, could barely get to the crown of my head and figured this time would just be the same. But I put myself in alignment, gave it a shot and next thing I knew I was full on in it - fully extended, wicked arched, staring at the wall behind me upside down, etc. It happened so quick I was disoriented, not knowing what had happened and really not knowing how to get back down again. I quickly figured both out and so just stayed there for a few seconds, awed by it all.

The last few weeks I've been getting used to my body and what it does or doesn't do now. Looking at the numbers on the scale or my reflection in the mirror is just a trip - unreal to see a number lower or a me smaller than I've been in almost a decade. I'll look down at my legs or feel a hipbone and its almost like its someone else. I mean I can see I'm smaller - I tried on all my clothes and set aside about half of them for being too big - but I feel like I lack a psychological reference point for all of this.

And its only going to get weirder. To get to a healthier number I'd like to lose another 10 or so pounds, which'll take me down to a weight I haven't seen since High School. Add in that I'll be more muscular than I ever was then and I just have no idea what that's going to look like. Will I think I rock a bikini? I'll never be small - that's just not the way I'm built - but I will have to discard the idea the assumption that I look big.

So its all a slow process - the losing weight (am doing it very healthily, don't you worry) and the attendant adjusting. But its exciting.

Doing (life and related tasks): Avoiding cleaning my apartment.

Doing (crafty stuff): Alas have been anything but craft-tas-tic lately.

Wanting: Money for a house down payment to materialize in a legal fashion.

Anticipating: Some fun times this weekend.